Joy Stealers

We had a great Christmas this year.  I mean, it was really, really good.  For the past few years, truly since Noah’s first Christmas as a toddler, I’ve tried with all my might to make it the most memorable, most fun, most Christ-centered Christmas ever.  And every year I have come to December 26th feeling exhausted, sad about the season being over, and overwhelmed.  This has been the first year in a long time where we’ve actually kept our joy.

Looking back at this Christmas, it doesn’t really make any sense.  We had many outside attempts to steal our joy.  I didn’t have any time to prepare a daily advent activity, or even advent lesson in the Bible, like I always do.  We had 4 or 5 different days where we planned to get a tree, and every single day we had free to decorate, it was pouring.  I mean, every.single.day.  It poured buckets.  So possibly our last year in the states for a while over Christmas and we have no tree, no Christmas decorations out, no special advent crafts.  This should have classified this year as biggest fail ever, but instead we had joy.

I tried everything to keep us well this year, to avoid the flu over Christmas fiasco from last year, and the day we arrive at my parents house (the weekend before Christmas) all three of my children and myself all got a cold with a fever or sore throats.  Just as we are feeling better on Christmas Eve (the day my sister got engaged!), my soon to be brother in law and sister come down with strep on Christmas day.  But we still retained our joy.

As I ponder these things and wonder why, in previous years I did everything right and did my best to keep Christ as the center of our celebration, but this year was the year that I felt the most joyful, the year my kids asked less about presents and more about Jesus…it really doesn’t make sense.  I feel like we had joy stealers at every corner, and my heart’s cry and prayer every day was to remain in the arms of my Savior.  And so despite sickness and failed family get togethers and failed decorating, our focus was not on our circumstances or what Christmas should be like or what we were missing out on.  We truly celebrated time with each other and the great joy we have in Christ.

Today was the first day in a long time that I felt this joy slipping.  I woke up with worry, with restlessness. I felt almost panicky as I thought about this upcoming year.  Instead of embracing my Savior and his faithfulness, I wanted to cling to something tangible- something I could plan, something I could control.  Have I learned nothing from my joyful Christmas season?  There is really little I can control, and even the things I think I can control can be stripped from me in a second.  The things I worry about, the uncertainties of this year- the Lord knows these things and has already taken care of them in his timing.  He burdens the hearts of people to support us, he prepares a place for us in Japan, he watches over this life inside of me and knows every detail of his/her life- it is silly for me to worry about what room this child will sleep in or how I can do language training with an infant…or how I will travel with four kids.  All these things, all these details, he sees and controls.  My joy is not found in circumstances or false security in things I try to control, true joy and peace and freedom is truly found only in Christ and complete dependence on Him.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Phil. 4:6-7

The Joy of New Life

Look at that little peanut.  What a beauty! 

I love being pregnant during the Christmas season.  There’s something special about celebrating the Christ child with a little one inside of me.  There’s a kinship I feel with Mary- I sympathize with her pains of childbearing and childbirth.  I share in the joys of feeling kicks, bumps, and watching your belly grow.  But most of all I feel the sacrifice.  Carrying the Messiah as a virgin indeed carried a price of embarrassment, false gossip, and I’m sure a bit of loneliness as others around her may not have celebrated this child.  And the sacrifice of the Father, sending his beloved Son, who he’d never been physically separated with in all eternity, sending him to a life of sacrifice, of hardship, of temptation and pain and death.  The one who created all is now taking on flesh and dwelling among the created.  To say this was a sacrifice is the biggest understatement.  And my Savior took on the sacrifice with humility and love.    

But I take great comfort in this- in the sacrifice of my Savior- because too often I am told of a life of ease.  With each babe the Lord generously gives, I receive looks of discouragement and comments of the hard task ahead, as if the sacrifice of my plans, my “fun” and  freedom, even my health and comfort is too high for the life of this child.  There is such sadness in these comments, because how can I adequately convey the true joy and honor of carrying, loving, and training up another child?  There is great joy in the sacrifice of myself for the precious lives the Lord has given.       

The more children I have the more I see the increasing weaknesses in my life.  My house is outnumbered 3 to 1 during the day.  Children need, they cry, everything is an immediate catastrophe in their eyes, and there is only one that can fix and make better.  As I carry another child in me, and I tie 3 pairs of shoes and feel the pain of one crying while I tend to another, I am sharply aware of sacrifice.  I am aware that there are 3 mouths that take priority over mine.  No matter how exhausted or sick I feel, I have to get up and comfort my one year old when she’s scared at night or rub my five year old’s chest to ease a cough attack.  And with this little #4, this babe we prayed for, it has made me a slave to my stomach.  I have to eat things that give energy and stay away from fats at make me sicker.  I am starving and nauseous at the same time.  I feel dizzy halfway through grocery shopping because I get light headed extremely easily when pregnant, and can’t stand on my feet for longer than 10 minutes at a time without feeling like I’m going to pass out.  But I would do it all again, I would sacrifice all comfort, because this one is worth it.  They all are worth it all.  

Christmas is about the gift of my Savior, but it is also about sacrifice.  Thank you, Lord, for once again showing me the great mystery of finding freedom and satisfaction in you alone and the great joy in giving of ourselves.  

The Greatest Gift This Year

Christmas came early this year.  I had been praying for December 12 for about 6 weeks.  I was both anxious and excited, but mostly prayerful.  For whatever reason, this fourth pregnancy has sent me on my knees more than all the others.  It’s a place that is familiar to me, it’s home to me, and it calms all my fears as I place my trust in the only one who is truly in control.  At my Father’s feet, he is able, willing, and wanting to carry all my fears and feelings of uncertainty.  

We have held on to our secret with giddy excitement, and it is a joy to announce that we will have another July baby, due July 9.  This little one I have prayed for for a while now.  God knit the desire in me as a child to have a large family, and as Peter and I have been blessed every two years with a new little one to hold, the Lord still confirms this desire in both our hearts.  And so the Lord has answered our prayers once again, and I am humbled and honored that he would chose to give us another sweet life before we leave for Japan.  

Yesterday I went into our doctor’s office, praying for a healthy heartbeat, and none was found.  So, with my whole family beside me, and with my heart in my throat, we got the great gift of seeing our little gummy-bear sized baby via ultrasound, and his/her healthy little heartbeat.  First pictures of our newest little love.  I couldn’t be more thrilled.  And Noah’s reaction was the best- he has been so excited this whole time about mommy having another baby in her belly, but this time he got to see through the stretch marks straight into the face of the baby he has prayed every single day for.  He face was lit up at the first sight of his sibling, and I praised the Lord once again for this perfect Christmas gift.  The gift of life, and the joy this baby brings already to each of us.  

Persistent Prayers

Since the Lord has laid on our hearts going to the ends of the earth for Him, and especially since He has directed us to go to Japan, Peter and I have had some really neat opportunities to share our story with others.  And in turn, the Lord has affirmed and encouraged us through these countless conversations.  One conversation happened a few weeks ago for me.  I was sharing with a dear friend at church our journey this year, and she immediately began encouraging me and was genuinely so excited that God had placed Japan on our hearts.  She then told me that, since the Tsunami in 2011, she has been praying for Japan, and has been praying that God would raise up someone from our congregation to go as a missionary.  My whole drive back home, I wept, thanking God that he has answered her prayer through our family.  How completely humbling it is that the Lord has raised us up to go, and how people have been praying for us to go before we even began this process.  

People always ask how my parents responded to our missionary call.  While I know how hard it is that we are going and taking their precious grand babies with us, I love being able to say that my mom has been praying for my missionary call for probably about 10 years- since she saw the Lord planting mission seeds in my heart when I was in high school.  What an incredible testimony of how God answers persistent prayer!  Oh how beautiful the body of Christ is!  We have no idea how intricately God knits us all together- how we each play such an important part in His work.  How neat that He lays things on our hearts to pray for, how He raises up workers and continues to burden the body to pray and go and support and encourage.  This week I got some really devastating news about a little girl I’ve been praying for, but how encouraging to know that, even though I cannot touch her and hold her and make all the problems go away, I can continue to pray for her, and allow our Great Physician and the one who holds all things together to work in her life.  He hears my prayers, and he is the one who continues to place her on my heart, and even when my prayers are not answered in ways I hope or think, He is still sovereign over all and is surprised by nothing.    Thank you, Lord, for the incredible privilege of being a daughter of the King, for being park of the body of Christ.  Thank you for moving through faith-filled prayers that you lay on our hearts to pray for.  Thank you for burdening our hearts, for uniting us together in you, for allowing us to be just a small part in your plan.  I love you more each day, Lord- oh how beautiful you are!

Rambles of a Reflector…

Here are a few reflections that have been tossed  around in my mind the past few months.  I hope they are not too difficult to follow, as my mind likes to skip around a lot 😉 

I thought God placed a burden on my heart to take care of our debt and learn to live within our means so that we’d be at a better place to provide for our kids…so we could do fun things like Disney World and whatever extracurriculars they wanted and partial homeschool, partial Christian school education….little did I know that God was using all of this to prepare us to leave; to prepare my heart to let go; to already get used to life without cable, to sharing my possessions rather than hoarding them, to be thankful for what we have rather than always dreaming of the bigger house, better car, next fun thing.  Way before we started praying to go God was asking us to size down, spend less, pray more, invest in things that matter (our relationship with our kids, our family, our community, etc).

I thought my wild, rarely formed or concrete dreams for being the unconventional, ministry driven homeschool mom were because my kids weren’t supposed to be in public school nor were they supposed to be the sheltered homeschooler… not because we weren’t supposed to stay in the USA.  Before kids I never thought I’d be a homeschool mom.  Even when God placed this thought in my heart, I did not understand why.  As my sweet hubby keeps reminding me, God has been preparing us for a while, and continues to prepare.  

I thought this desire to adopt from Asia would mean we would adopt at least one child from there.  Not that we were to move there.  What an honor.  I am still humbled by this. 

I thought after reading the book “Seven” by Jen Hatmaker that God was stripping me of materialism to open my eyes and heart to those around me, not to start a 2 year journey of purging a lifetime of attachments and shaping my entire worldview from a solely self/family centeredness to a focus on God’s Kingdom and His glory.

I thought that, when God asked me to allow Him to grow my family, that would mean all my kids would be 18-24 months apart…  Not that He would give at just the right time according to His plans.  Biologically, it doesn’t make sense that I have a 20 month old with no child on the way….except that God works in ways I would never guess.  

I thought that God forgot about my dreams in High School of being a missionary and I thought that I MUST have heard him wrong when he gave me a desire to work in Asia way back then.  I seemed to forget that God works in His timing over years and years- refining, preparing, and building my faith.  

In a way, this whole year seems to have gone so fast.  When I begin to tell our story- beginning in January with God laying missions and going on Peter’s heart- it seems like God refocused us so quickly in one big unified motion.  But really I see God preparing us for years and years.  Oh how faithful is the one who plants dreams and desires in our hearts, and fulfills them in His timing.  And we still have a ways to go.  Praise the one who renews our strength, who causes us to soar on wings like eagles.  Praise the one who calls, who provides, who leads a step at a time.  

Our Family Website!

Just in case you want to see a little more of our journey, here is our family website 🙂 Feedback is most definitely welcome.

http://www.mckenziestojapan.com

Enjoy!!

When God Moves You (Part 3)

This post is months in the making.  I’ve written and re-written it in my mind at least a dozen times, and I feel such a release to finally be able to share this 9-month long journey with you.

For new readers, it is important to read this for some context.  The big reason behind our push to pray for our house to sell is God’s leading us away from our home in Charlotte to work cross-culturally.

For several years now, I have felt an unrest.  I knew God was building my faith and preparing me for something- but I had no idea what.  The Lord broke me for the world- for those who do not know him, for the orphan, for the widow, for the trafficked, for the poor.  God broke Peter as well.  And we felt the Lord leading us- as a whole family- to do something.  At first we thought a great first step was a missions trip to Africa with my sister.  And the Lord said, “Not Africa.”  At the same time we were praying for Eve, a girl from Hong Kong that we wanted to adopt.  After that fell through, we clearly felt the Lord saying, “I don’t want you to adopt, I want you to go.” So we’ve been in the process since then of following the Lord’s lead one step at a time…which has led us to Japan.

We are still in the beginning phase of going, but we are so excited and humbled to be a part of SIM and are grateful for the opportunity to serve God in Japan.  Many details as to what we will be doing specifically and what area we will be in are still being worked out, but after an orientation in November we will officially begin fundraising, and can leave for our first three year term after that.

I know this may be a surprise to many, but I would be happy to meet with any of you and share all that the Lord has done this year to make it abundantly clear that He is not only in this, but completely paving the way.  To his glory alone, and for his name we go.

If you’d like to be added to our prayer list, please email me at ashley.mckenzie@sim.org, and I would love to add you.

Happy Birthday Noah!

5 years I’ve been a mom.  5 years I’ve loved this boy, held him close.  5 years I’ve asked for parenting advice, prayed for him, played with him.  What a blessing, God.  What a gift he is to me.

Sweet Noah-

We’ve come a long way, my love.  We’ve come a long way.  From those first few hours- your dad and I stayed up all night just to make sure you were breathing- to checking on you constantly in your crib, to snuggling with you every nap time. I can never say it enough:: I love you.  You are such a joy to parent.  You are bright and helpful and desire to please.  You are very tenderhearted like your mama, but very handsome and funny like your daddy…plus you have his eyes and his smile, which is a powerful combination, my dear.

You are a sweetheart.  You are compassionate and giving.  You let Eli have one of your 2 lego presents from your birthday; you always strive to make others happy.  You recently told me during one of Abigail’s fits over nursing that it’s my job to take care of her and you don’t like it when your Abs is crying.  That’s my boy- reminding me of what’s important and making sure Abigail is taken care of.

I’m proud to be your mom.  When I hear that you sit beside Eli in the Art Studio and hold his hand and encourage him, I’m not surprised because you always watch out for him.  It’s not an obligation or a duty- you genuinely love being his brother and his friend, and you love taking care of him.  You help Abigail find her baby, help me find my phone pretty much every day, always get Eli’s blanket, set the table, and a million other selfless things.  I pray your compassion, care for others, and joy in life only increases as you grow.

You love people- it is a joy to watch you interact with people.  You still ask me every week if you will get to see Miss Kristen in the Art Studio, and still want to be the first one there just in case Miss Kristen is there so you can have her to yourself for a few minutes.  You love our worship leader, Zach, not because he is an amazing musician but because he’s your “best buddy” and yall jam together.  Tyler and daddy are your best camping buddies and you tell me that Tyler is the best drummin’ guy ever.  Nana is your best friend, papaw is your giggle partner, and you adore your sissy.  Anyone who invests any little bit of time and love into you receives so much more joy because you make everyone feel so special, loved, and unique.

You have taught me so much in these past 5 years and I have so much yet to learn.  I love you up to the moon and always will.  What a great way to spend 5 years, with my best bud Noah.

When God Moves You (Part Two)

Our first home closed last week and we’ve unpacked every box.  I have passed the bitter-sweetness of moving out of the home our babies first grew up in (and the sadness over losing my nice large yard), and am settling nicely into our new home.

At the beginning of this year, the Lord prepared me for 2013.  It has been a faith-filled year, and I am excited to say I don’t think we’ve passed through the thick if it yet. He reminded me over and over again that He provides, and my faith is in Him alone. For several months, Peter and I have felt the Lord strongly urging us to pray for our house.  I cannot explain it, other than the Lord has impressed it on our hearts.  Back in June I received a junk email about a program on zillow called “Make Me Move” and Peter and I immediately thought, “why not?”  So we priced our house at what we bought it for, posted 2 year old pictures, and called it done.  A week later, we were shocked at an interested buyer.  She had just put down an offer on a house down the street, but because of a terrible inspection report, the offer fell through.  Peter and I scrubbed the house for two days, loaded the van with kids and as many toys would fit, and I drove off during the house visit.  They stayed five minutes, had no questions for Peter, and left.  That night, after Peter and I desperately prayed for God’s will on this, we got a call at 9pm with and offer.  We were SHOCKED.

We had originally offered a carpet credit, they said don’t worry about it and negotiated it out of the deal.  We said we couldn’t pay the $5000 realtor commission (we were obviously going to do For Sale By Owner), or the closing costs- they said they were covering it all.  In fact, in order to cover the commission for their agent they had to add on to the offer because that is something we are supposed to pay (so they paid us to pay their realtor), so the final offer is MORE than what we officially listed our house as.  Oh, and they paid in cash.

To give God further glory in this, we are not in a prime,everyone wants to live here neighborhood.  Don’t get me wrong, its nice and a great area, but we have houses in our neighborhood that have been on the market for over a year and most houses sell far below asking price.  Plus, several homes have foreclosed and brought our neighborhood down a bit.  But we were able to sell for more that we bought it for.

We had looked at selling our home 2 years ago and our agent said at the very best we’d be over $15,000 in the hole because we had bought right before the market crashed, we only put a few thousand dollars down, and would drown in closing costs alone.  As of now, we are actually making several thousand in the positive.  To God alone be the glory.

This precious couple bought our home with fingerprints everywhere, no doors on our pantry, marks on the wall, and dozens of other imperfections.  I was certain something major would come up with the inspection (the home is as old as I am), but God was faithful and we had only a few minor things to repair.  And thankfully, this God-send of a buyer allowed us to do all but one ourselves.

God had even orchestrated a house for us to rent from a sweet, generous friend.  It was no more than what we paid in our mortgage (which was truly miraculous since everything else we found was 200-400 more a month), it is 1000 more square feet than our previous home,  and I have the largest room ever to do our schooling this year.

I remember when God initially pricked my heart to pray for our house.  I thought no way we’d be able to sell it without doing a ton of work on it, which we just couldn’t afford.  But he asked for faith the size of a mustard seed.  In Matthew 17:20, Jesus says “Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”  And this was my prayer- to have this kind of faith.  To trust that, if he wants us to move, that he can move us.  Selling that house truly felt like moving a mountain- and God’s hands were all over it.  He did it all.  What a wonderful, powerful, almighty Savior we serve.

When God moves you… (part one)

A week from today we will be moving into our new home.  I’ve kept busy packing up and making plans, but today it hits me:: This home won’t be ours much longer.  At the beginning of this year, the Lord prepared me for 2013.  He reminded me over and over again that He provides, and my faith is in Him alone (see this blog I wrote a few months back:: http://marilynnchadwick.com/2013/02/13/provider/)

I will write up our miraculous house sell story after our closing a week from Wednesday, but there is no question that this is God orchestrated.  He even provided a home for us near to the South Park campus that we are renting from a generous friend.  But oh how I will miss this house.  I remember looking at dozens of houses 4+ years ago, so discouraged, until my friend Laura suggested her neighborhood.  We loved the floorplan (it happened to be the same in Laura’s house, minus the garage and bonus room), loved the yard, and loved the location.  It was everything we were looking for, and something we could not find anywhere else.  I remember being on my knees before God in my cramped one-bedroom apartment, the pamphlet for this home before me, asking God to put the pieces in place to buy this home.  And He did.  

This house watched us grow.  I love Noah’s room with the circle window, and loved making into the “boys” room.  I loved Amy living with us for 6 months, and painting her room lavender.  I loved repainting it for eli, and back to a girly pink for Abigail.  I loved sitting in the rocking chair in her room, her snuggled in my belly, early mornings with heartburn and a prayer on my soul for her life.

I love memories of eli doing his feet dance then jumping fearlessly into my arms every time we were going downstairs.  And then he learned how to FLY down on his belly, and Noah would count the steps going down, and now Abigail scoots down frontways on her bottom.  I love our schoolroom and its constantly changing nature due to constantly changing needs.  I love our island of trees outside and the great explorations Jake and Cubby (and sometimes Captain Hook and Mr. Shmee) have had.  I love our walks to the neighborhood pond.  And miss the year we had baby ducklings.  Since Noah was Abigail’s age, he brought his lawnmower on the walk, and still brings it at almost 5.  I love our deck and the countless picnics, pool times, and playtimes we’ve had.  I will miss noah throwing over the hose as fireman, and rescuing toys below in a tied on basket. I miss my first days of eli rocking in his swing, watching Noah play at 7am.  then Abigail doing the same.  I will miss my birds and my squirrels and our bunny rabbit that we see every morning- a great reminder to pray for a great friend.  And the nest outside of Abigail’s window where I felt the Lord encouraging me that my nest could expand for my precious Eve- I will miss looking at this nest everyday and remembering to pray for my girl.  

When this house first sold I mourned over not having 1 more Christmas here- what fun it was that year Peter brought our white tree up to our bedroom!  And what a mess it made!  I wanted one more snow- this house is beautiful covered in white.  What a joy to watch my boys explore the deck, the yard, everywhere in the snow.  

I will miss the driveway that Noah and I played on every single day when he was learning to crawl, walk, run.  And those crazy weeds we pulled up for days and days with Amy, and that tree we planted in the front- how big it has grown now!  

Yes, this house grew with us.  And my great plans of staying here forever, adding on a garage and a bedroom or two, or possibly a large schoolroom….God changed that and gave me a new dream.  As I let go of this home, I happily and tearfully chant our song when God brought us here, “Blue Granite, Blue Granite, we really love Blue Granite!” (that is our street name, btw 😉

We will miss you, Blue Granite home.  Home of first baby steps and late night feedings.  Home of waiting on babies and birthday parties and first days of school.  Home of Thanksgiving meals and learning to grow things, and learning I fail at growing things.  And a house of prayer. Lots and lots of prayer. You did good, Blue Granite.  You served us well.