We had a great Christmas this year. I mean, it was really, really good. For the past few years, truly since Noah’s first Christmas as a toddler, I’ve tried with all my might to make it the most memorable, most fun, most Christ-centered Christmas ever. And every year I have come to December 26th feeling exhausted, sad about the season being over, and overwhelmed. This has been the first year in a long time where we’ve actually kept our joy.
Looking back at this Christmas, it doesn’t really make any sense. We had many outside attempts to steal our joy. I didn’t have any time to prepare a daily advent activity, or even advent lesson in the Bible, like I always do. We had 4 or 5 different days where we planned to get a tree, and every single day we had free to decorate, it was pouring. I mean, every.single.day. It poured buckets. So possibly our last year in the states for a while over Christmas and we have no tree, no Christmas decorations out, no special advent crafts. This should have classified this year as biggest fail ever, but instead we had joy.
I tried everything to keep us well this year, to avoid the flu over Christmas fiasco from last year, and the day we arrive at my parents house (the weekend before Christmas) all three of my children and myself all got a cold with a fever or sore throats. Just as we are feeling better on Christmas Eve (the day my sister got engaged!), my soon to be brother in law and sister come down with strep on Christmas day. But we still retained our joy.
As I ponder these things and wonder why, in previous years I did everything right and did my best to keep Christ as the center of our celebration, but this year was the year that I felt the most joyful, the year my kids asked less about presents and more about Jesus…it really doesn’t make sense. I feel like we had joy stealers at every corner, and my heart’s cry and prayer every day was to remain in the arms of my Savior. And so despite sickness and failed family get togethers and failed decorating, our focus was not on our circumstances or what Christmas should be like or what we were missing out on. We truly celebrated time with each other and the great joy we have in Christ.
Today was the first day in a long time that I felt this joy slipping. I woke up with worry, with restlessness. I felt almost panicky as I thought about this upcoming year. Instead of embracing my Savior and his faithfulness, I wanted to cling to something tangible- something I could plan, something I could control. Have I learned nothing from my joyful Christmas season? There is really little I can control, and even the things I think I can control can be stripped from me in a second. The things I worry about, the uncertainties of this year- the Lord knows these things and has already taken care of them in his timing. He burdens the hearts of people to support us, he prepares a place for us in Japan, he watches over this life inside of me and knows every detail of his/her life- it is silly for me to worry about what room this child will sleep in or how I can do language training with an infant…or how I will travel with four kids. All these things, all these details, he sees and controls. My joy is not found in circumstances or false security in things I try to control, true joy and peace and freedom is truly found only in Christ and complete dependence on Him.
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
Phil. 4:6-7
My Family Reflections 